Another Update.

So it’s been a few months since my last update and sadly not much has changed. I’m currently riding the end of a flare up and the headaches, fibro fog, emotional roller coaster, and aching pain are on my last nerve. I can’t even begin to describe how upset I am that a  MASSAGE caused all of this…it was supposed to make me feel better but ended up being the worst idea I’d had in a long time. I want to be free from this. I can’t say that enough…I’m just fed up with being in pain and being overly depressed and the mental confusion and EVERYTHING else. I want to walk a mile, stand up at a concert for hours, go to Culinary School…but I can’t. Life is not fair but Fibromyalgia is like a prison sentence at times. I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself, I’m allowed to cry because I’m hurting a lot deeper than anyone who hasn’t experienced it can understand. I wish they would find a cure…

Sending gentle hugs to all my Fibro sufferers. If no one else understands…I do.

I’ll be making an effort to blog more frequently from now on, hopefully I help someone or enlighten a few.

Peace.

Quick Update.

Well let’s see…I’ve been experiencing less pain lately. Mainly because I’ve done my best to stay away from stressful situations and take it easy physically. U have decided to be a good girl and start taking my meds again. So Cymbalta and Lyrica are back on deck :-/ I just hate being dependent on medications to feel well, but this is the hand I was dealt and I must play it. The last few days have been tough but I’ve done my best to just remain positive. The pain will come and go but my attitude and mentality are with me constantly…and I’ve learned that whatever I think or say will manifest itself into my reality. To all my fellow Fibromyalgia SURVIVORS, I feel you pain and I just want you to know that there are brighter days ahead…this illness will NOT win. ::gentle hugs:: to you all :)

Fibromyalgia is….

“What is Fibromyalgia?” I get asked this question so often you’d think I’d have the WebMD definition committed to memory. So let’s see what the “professionals” have to say:

 

fi·bro·my·al·gia/ˌfībrōmīˈalj(ē)ə/

Noun: A chronic disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue, and tenderness in localized areas.

The Symptoms:

 

  • anxiety or depression
  • decreased pain threshold or tender points
  • incapacitating fatigue
  • widespread pain
  • abdominal pain
  • chronic headaches
  • difficulty maintaining sleep or light sleep
  • dryness in mouth, nose, and eyes
  • fatigue upon arising
  • hypersensitivity to cold and/or heat
  • inability to concentrate (called “fibro fog”)
  • incontinence
  • irritable bowel syndrome
  • numbness or tingling in the fingers and feet
  • painful menstrual cramps
  • stiffness

    These are the symptoms, that’s the definition but I live the reality. There is so much more to Fibromyalgia…more than a list can ever explain. Fibromyalgia takes a healthy person and makes them sick, makes a runner unable to walk unaided, turns a brilliant and beautiful mind into a useless tool. Fibromyalgia is debilitating, it’s heart breaking, it’s a thief. Everyday it steals the ability to live freely from its sufferers. People look at us and judge, call us complainers, think we are making this all up…they would not last an hour in our shoes. 

    Sometimes the strongest among us are hidden inside those who appear weak. I wake up everyday, stare my pain in the face and say….”Fuck you, fibromyalgia. You will never win.” Yes, I’m a complainer and a crier and a bitcher and moaner…but I’d like to see you do half of what I do with a third of the pain and tell me how it feels. Sometimes you just need to be able to say, “Hey I’m still in pain in case you were wondering.” I don’t expect anyone to understand…I just want someone to realize how real this is…

    • Today…

    I’ve been pain free all day…by some miracle :) I haven’t been functioning at 100% but I’m better than I was yesterday. These days are few and far in between and I’m just thankful.

    Let’s talk about pain…

    I am aching, probably because I’m doing more than I should do in one week let alone a single day. My feet hurt so badly that I prefer not to walk if I don’t have to :( It’s something that I deal with everyday I have to work. I hurt so badly after work that I can’t relax and enjoy my time off, and no one seems to understand it *sigh*. My legs hurt, my back as been hurting for almost an entire week straight, neck aches, ankles are killing me…the list literally goes on and on. I want everyone to understand that Fibromyalgia is NOT imaginary, it’s not in my head…it may be invisible but my pain is real. I can’t make you understand how it feels to have your body attack  you daily, but I can try and tell you how I feel about it all.  I can’t format my writing like I used to thanks to this bullshit ass illness, can’t focus to read a damn book, can’t walk around a store for more than 10 mins without regretting it, can’t actually LIVE because right now all I’m doing is existing. And what most people don’t get is that there is NO CURE. And to top it all off I haven’t had insurance for 6 months so I’ve had to RATION my pain meds, most days going without because I was afraid I’d run out (I’m down to less than 10 pills altogether). So when you see me tweet, see me post statuses about being down…please do not judge me, just thank God that you aren’t me. 

    The Beginning.

    I’ve decided to document my pain. To take the words I’ve been blessed with and use them to…heal myself. I can’t imagine if anyone will even understand this blog, but a friend of mine told me to do it for me. This will not be cutesy, carefree, or jovial. This will be about my real life struggle with Fibromyalgia and the misconceptions other people have of the disease. I’m not sure where this will go or how deeply it will take me…but I’m prepared for the ride. I need this blog, it needs me, and hopefully someone out there needs it too. For all my fellow sufferers, cheers to you. You are to be commended for all that you endure, you are my heroes.